The Guy in the Spandex Shorts

I’m sure that in my youth I would have said, “men shouldn’t wear spandex.” When I did see one of these crazy guys I would think to myself “why would they wear THAT in public??? Are they just trying to look ridiculous and make me uncomfortable??? I do not need to see that bulge…” Nobody wants to see the guy in the spandex shorts. As it turns out many years later I started in cycling and learned of the very serious and very painful problem of chaffing. I took to the google-sphere to find a solution to this. Quickly I learned that spandex shorts is the one tried and true method to completely eliminate this problem.

I didn’t immediately go out and buy spandex shorts. I had to do some serious self-convincing that I needed them. That the pain of chaffing was greater than the pain of ridicule and social anxiety that came with wearing such clothes. I told myself that most of my cycling is done solo, and nobody will really ever see me. With those thoughts in my head I went off and bought my first pair of spandex shorts.

My first ride I decided to wear these under a pair of regular shorts. I didn’t want anyone to see me because I am a man and men do not wear spandex. They worked great and I had no chaffing at all! Cycling shorts even have a pad in them to help with soreness on the rear end. These were the best thing ever for cycling and made riding much more enjoyable. After a few rides I decided that I could go out without second regular pair of shorts on top. There I was riding around town in spandex for the world to see.

Then I met another cyclist who became my good friend, Brad. Brad and I decided to go for a ride together one day where we met at his house. I went to his house and I stood on his doorstep in skin tight cycling jersey and spandex shorts. I rang his doorbell feeling very exposed. He opened the door and stood opposite me outfitted in the exact same type of clothes. It was as awkward as a swimming pool men’s change room. Though, at the same time it was a relief that he was wearing it too, just like when you go to a party under-dressed and meet someone that did the same.

A few months later Brad and I went on a long bike trip from around Banff. We decided to stop at a coffee shop with a long line in Lake Louise for a bite to eat. As I stood there, I began daydreaming and looking around. My gaze went to a pair of shoes and I thought to myself that those are odd shoes. Mindlessly my gaze went up to see that the man wearing those shoes was in spandex shorts! Shocked and snapping back to reality I wanted to see the face of the man who would have the audacity to wear such a thing in a public coffee shop. It was my friend Brad! Quickly, I looked down to see that I was wearing the exact same thing. It felt like that nightmare where you go to work and forgot to put pants on. Now I was standing in this coffee shop with everything out there for the world to see.

It took a few seconds, but after the shock wore off and I realized that I do have at least something on, I understood. I understood all the men I had seen in my life wearing spandex. These people aren’t trying to show off their stuff, instead it was (hopefully) out of necessity just like me. I had turned into the guy in the spandex shorts, and it was OK. I have since become more secure in my training and the need for proper attire that I have bought many pairs of spandex running shorts and even a speedo. Though, I am not quite ready to be the guy in the speedo.